Napuaism......"No make sense" ramblings of a girl with silent issues LOL!

I have a deep desire to experience more, give more and receive more. It can't be denied and I think that that's one of my struggles.

Responsibilities are first and foremost number one in my life.  I go to work everyday knowing that it is a MUST to make a living and provide. I get up motivated by responsibility.  I try to choose the best decisions based on a possible positive outcome.  I choose to continue certain things because it will assist in accomplishing certain goals in my life. If I am not responsible, those I love will suffer. I absolutely cannot fail in this area.

The question is, what is my responsibility to myself?  What do I need to be emotionally healthy?  Will focusing on others truly pay off in the future?  So far it works I am happy to say. But....Why is there still an emptiness?

 The most scariest part of it all is, I live a blessed life.  I have the most amazing husband anyone could ever have.  If he was PERFECT, he would not exist but pretty close to it.  He is special to me and I value our lives together. The emptiness I feel is in NO WAY a form of ungratefulness!

 My children are my blessings too.  Who could not be content after this?  All of my decisions are based on what will benefit those 4 beautiful faces.

So....to balance responsibility, wanting MORE, giving more and being content, what do you focus on first?  God, Spouse, Children, Family and everything else is secondary....OK I get it.  Why does it still feel like something is missing? I have all that I could ask for in LOVE.  I'm not rich but obviously it's not the first priority in MY life.  I have wonderful family and friends, new and old.  I have two great jobs which I appreciate.  I've accomplished some things I've wanted to do and will eventually accomplish more. NO DAMN CLUE yet...

I guess the best answer at the present time is that TIME will tell.  Time will reveal ALL.  The best I can do is just continue to pray HARD for clarity.  Try to make smart decisions and steer away from DUMB and possibly costly mistakes.  Embrace life as it IS, accept things I cannot change and hope/pray that life will go as GOD plans.  I am asking for forgiveness for my wrong doings, any good intent portrayed in the wrong way and wisdom of words. That is absolutely needed :-)

Rambling.  It's SO MUCH BETTER than drinking at a bar and listening to opinions. The opinion and advice that matters most comes from God above who is with you through it all .  He is the same today, tomorrow and forever.

Now what?  Getting down on my knees, folding my arms and praying. I'm praying a different prayer.  The same old crap gets old in his ears, I'm sure.  Making it new and real today!